In a conversation I had with a friend recently, he mentioned he had insecurities because of how his teeth looks. From that conversation came two weird realizations for me: one is, men also have insecurities? and second, I don’t have insecurities!
So I began to wonder. Why isn’t insecurity in my dictionary?
First of all, I’m not bragging. This is not misplaced hubris or superiority complex. I do not overflow with confidence, because I also have my share of self-doubt. And that’s weird, actually. Because the word ‘insecurity’ has not really been part of my thought processes.
Sure, everybody has to have insecurities. We all hear that a lot, especially from women. I have friends who are really attractive, but they feel insecure about how they appear. Girls have insecurities about their hair, noses, ears, eyes, thighs, arms, waists, breasts and butts.
My first shock (about men having insecurities) might have something to do with how males are seen in society. Men are supposed to be masculine and macho and cool and confident. So it goes to say that men shouldn’t have, or at least, shouldn’t show to have insecurities.
And part of the shock is because the confession came from a friend who’s outgoing, cocksure and gregarious. Or at least, that’s how I perceive him to be.
But that’s not the point. The point is, why haven’t I thought about insecurities? So I’m not normal?
It may be because of how I see the world.
First of all, nobody is perfect. I know. It sounds cliché. But from there, I have already accepted that I can’t have everything.
This is the part where I admit I’m not handsome (haha). Except for my pre-puberty days when I was pinched and cuddled for being ‘cute’ and chinito, I wasn’t really peppered with praises about how I looked. I wasn’t troubled, and it wasn’t really an issue. Okay, who cares? I have eyes, I have a nose. I have long arms and legs. I was thin. I had pimples. And I squished them till they bled.
Plus, my younger brother was the handsome guy. And I was always the not-so-handsome guy. So I didn’t really care. (And surprisingly, my handsome brother didn’t even care about his looks either! You know why? We grew up unpreoccupied about the superficial. Looks are superficial. Physical beauty is skin-deep.)
And perhaps another reason is, I was good at other things. What I lacked in dashing looks, (and this is the part where I also insist I’m not ugly either—hahaha) I made up with skills and talents. Folks appreciated me for playing the piano, composing songs, doing creative stuff. I kept on learning new things, and excelled in quite a number of them. I got positive and negative feedback about the things that I did.
And I was very much in touch with myself, with what I know and I don’t know. I always evaluated myself and I am aware of how I performed. I know what I’m good at, and I also know what I’m bad at. Dancing, for example.
And I think, from there, knowing my strengths and weaknesses, emanated my healthy dose of self-esteem. In my PE class in dancing, I tell you, I looked awkward. But, hey, it wasn’t that bad either. I always say that, if I only knew how to dance, I would be perfect. But thank God, He is being fair to the rest of you by not giving me that. Hahaha.. just kidding.
So as it turns out, I don’t have insecurities because of a simple philosophy. If I can do something about it, then I’ll do it. If nothing can be done, I accept my limitations and roll with it. (LORD, grant me the…)
To recap, I don’t have insecurities because:
- Since nobody is perfect, so I’m not perfect. I can’t have everything.
- If something can be done, I do it. If nothing can be done, I accept it.
Dwelling in insecurities is a waste of time, really. Why don’t we all just feel awesome? Come on. Let’s all feel awesome!
The key is to be thankful for who we are and who we are not.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14