Growing up, getting serious?

As a full-time graduate student, I only have four classes a week. Apparently, I have lots and lots of free time. But it seems I don’t have enough time to do everything. What am I doing wrong?

I haven’t received my November, December and January salary yet. That’s three months in a row. Fortunately, I’ve been surviving on dad’s regular provision of money and friends’ kindness. 🙂 (Thanks for that.) However, I sometimes find my self in the brink of draining cash, like now. I only have a few hundred pesos left. What am I missing?

While attending last Sunday’s service at Pasig (where my cousin’s husband is pastor), I realized what I think I’m lacking.

Management.

I’m not a manager by nature. I really don’t mind when most things are not in order. I haven’t been really in-charge of taking care of the little details of my life. In groups, I was either a philosophical noise or just concentrating on the abstract issues like art and direction. Back home, food, shelter, clothing and other things are there at my disposal. I am not the one bothered when supplies run out or laundry is still there, piling up and dirty.

And here I am, 500 kilometers from home, and on my own. Nobody wakes me up in the morning, or tells me to wash this, or buy that. I have to figure everything out.

And I’m learning… (?)

Now, the daily concerns now concern me. Need to buy food, feed myself, clean the room, take care of the laundry, and a whole lot more. The problems demand my attention when things are not right.

I have to learn to manage.

So, priorities. That’s the theme of the Sunday messages at church. Setting things straight, knowing where to better spend resources, time, energy and attention.

Honestly, I’m not (yet) doing a good job, but I’m trying. Still struggling to find a regular schedule for devotion (though I play daily broadcast podcasts of sermons, or open up the Bible, or devotional guides from time to time during the day). Still have to be reminded to pray. Still have to remember taking note of expenses and supplies at home.

Growing up, yup, this has to be part of growing up. I cannot just afford to be lenient, take things for granted, laugh it off. Coz if I do, I won’t have food to eat. I’ll die. (We’ll that escalated quickly.)

Guess I have to be a little more serious about growing up.

I find it amazing how, from time to time, I realize the need to be serious about stuff. Like, how I should be serious about growing spiritually, because I realize I will eventually be the leader of the family and I should be a good example. And I’m happy that these realizations dawn on me as I go through the daily grind.

I’m happy that I get to know I’m lacking. Because it’s this thirst, this dissatisfaction of my current ‘me’ that precedes growth. Change.

Contrary to popular opinion, life has to be taken seriously.

I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:14

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