Moving Forward

To say that I shouldn’t move forward in my love life is just tantamount to denying that God made me a sexual being. Humans are sexual beings. I am a sexual being. And that’s not bad.

For all I know, my desires, emotions and even sexual drives are gifts from God. The world would be a boring place if we didn’t feel anything.

And now going back, “moving forward”.

I know you could relate to what I’ll say. Remember the time when we were kids. The opposite sex was just sooooo yucky. Agree? Then we grow. Still yucky. We grow a little bit more. All of a sudden, things change. He’s cool to her. To him, she’s not yucky anymore.

Anyone who reaches my age (just short of twenty) will not be new to the world of “likes”. Attraction to the opposite sex catches early on.

And we struggle with our feelings. We act on ’em. We fidget. We deny it. We indulge. We succeed, and we also make mistakes.

By the time you’re my age, then again, you already have a taste of what “love” is.

Why am I telling you all this? My point is, I do have a taste of what that is. I have had my share of struggles, successes and failures. Anybody my age probably has. Nobody has lived a perfect life, much less a perfect love life.

I’m single for nearly four years now. Eh kailan ka ba naging double? The older people would jeer at the words. Isn’t that something to talk about? (For all I know, love and relationships are very important things that people—even families—should discuss.)

For the past four years, I’ve been praying about my direction. I’ve been through good times and bad times. Had mountain peak experiences and valley lows. There were times when I had grand plans and I thought I knew what I was doing. There were also times when I just have no idea—and even lost hope.

Early on, I have defined the purpose of my love story: to glorify God. We are created to please Him in every aspect of our life. Relationships should give  glory to the One who is Love Himself. Unfortunately, I often forget that purpose.

I realized: it’s…been…four years. Not that I’m impatient or I’m rushing things. I don’t really know what lies ahead. Nowhere is it written in stone that singleness is wrong and being in a relationship is right. Or vice versa.

If there’s one thing that I would desire as I move forward, that is to glorify God. Moving forward doesn’t necessarily mean I have to be in a relationship. It may even mean staying single (until further notice!). Kidding aside, this is how I see moving forward:

Pressing on, no matter what happens.

To stay in the past is not moving forward. I wouldn’t want to do that. To be stuck in the cares of the present isn’t moving forward as well.

Although I don’t really know what lies ahead, God knows what’s in my heart. He has a Master Plan. If I enter into a relationship soon, that’s good. If not, it is well with my soul. I don’t know. Honestly I don’t know. I’m still finding the answers. I’ve been praying hard on my knees. I’ve been searching fervently through the pages of His Word.

As I move forward, I need grace. Grace for the moment. His Will to lead. Love to forgive.

To say I shouldn’t move forward is just tantamount to denying God’s Master Plan and His grace. God made me a sexual being. Isn’t He wise? I just love the thought.