Tag Archives: relationships

Love is a choice

We often think love is when you fall helplessly for someone. It may be at first sight. It may be after years of friendship. It just spiralled out of control, and now, you find yourself madly in love with someone.

We buy this notion a lot. When we love, it’s more than just conscious thought. The pheromones, the hormones, the nonverbal behavior, the scent, the touch, the energy—these are all at work as someone becomes dearer and dearer to us.

But the past few years have taught me that, although unseen forces sway our feelings, love is a choice.

When we love, we choose to love. It is a conscious decision to go with the unseen forces that make up our emotional, intellectual and physical systems. It can also be a conscious decision to go against it. When the situation tells you not to love, but you still do, it’s because you chose.

Love is a choice. And the ultimate manifestation of love as a choice is commitment.

Love is a commitment.

It isn’t just about what you feel at the moment.  It isn’t about the forces that surround you. It isn’t about what the circumstances call for.

You see, you can choose to love, and then the next day, you choose not to. You may have reasons. Your man cheated. Or your wife suddenly got amnesia. Your child betrayed the family.

In these cases, circumstances tell you, the cost of loving outweighs the benefits of loving. That’s when the ultimate choice to love comes in the form of commitment.

You commit. You declared it, and now you stand by it.

Whether you’re badly hurt, or your emotions run dry, when it seems so illogical and counterintuitive to stay, that’s when love manifests itself in its most profound form: a conscious choice.

When all the world pushes for equality, practicality, cynicism, independence, and justice—you see, these are not bad values and philosophies—you choose to love.

Love is a choice.

If I become blind

Only the dim light from the porch lit my room. I lied down and plugged in my big headphones. I listened to ‘Long Look‘ once again. I closed my eyes and tried to feel the song. I opened my eyes—complete darkness. Am I blind?

How will I face the world with blindness? I have had a keen eye. I love sights, lights and art! I am a photographer, a videographer, an artist. If my sight fails, what shall I do?

I could imagine myself being led to the piano at church. Yes, I still could play that majestic instrument. Perhaps I could still do a few fast arpeggios (running keys). I still could pen songs or arrange them (with some help). Perhaps I could still be a good pianist.

However, I could no longer continue schooling. I won’t be able to drive the motorcycle. I will no longer write (at least, on my own). No longer will I see my friends, my classmates, my family… and her!

That pierced me. No, this can’t be!

What if she comes to visit me in my blindness? Her beauty, her relaxing smile… if I could see them once more! Will she receive me like this? I can no longer bring her to breathtaking places or romantic dates. I can not make a living to bring up a family. I’ll be useless. Inutile.

She comes. I hear her voice and I recognize her perfume. I reach for her hands, and gripped them tightly. Trembling, I cry, “I’m sorry… I never made the most of the light.”

It breaks her heart. She cries too. No! This can’t be, I moan in great desperation.

The song is half-way through. “Can we witness every sunset?” the song asks. Why—we should! I fumbled for my cellphone and tried to press a key. Come on, light up!

It lit. I mean it lit up in front of my eyes. Pesky brown-out!

Is this feeling flourishing?

I just have to keep watch of how I progress. I have been careful of how things are going to develop and push through. I know things will come and must come in its right time, but not earlier. But, in one way or another, things—and feelings—and everything else have to grow.

Inasmuch as I don’t want to see ‘progress’ (yet), I nevertheless saw it in the past few weeks. I never intended to say that I love her or even think of it, but I kind of said it in my prayer and thought, “Woah, did I say that???”. Last week, Ate Anne, Ate Marilyn and I had a chow at Honeycomb and we were talking most of the time about this thing I’m into. I told them, “Karon ra man ko nahimong explicit and vocal about this, right?” (“I’ve been explicit and vocal about this just lately, right?)

I’m actually wondering right now. Actually, I’m seeking answers from God. Is this feeling flourishing as it should? Am I in the right track or am I ahead of God’s plan for at least one step? Are things going to early? Or is it running late of God’s timing?

I need to know.