Tag Archives: love

Love is a choice

We often think love is when you fall helplessly for someone. It may be at first sight. It may be after years of friendship. It just spiralled out of control, and now, you find yourself madly in love with someone.

We buy this notion a lot. When we love, it’s more than just conscious thought. The pheromones, the hormones, the nonverbal behavior, the scent, the touch, the energy—these are all at work as someone becomes dearer and dearer to us.

But the past few years have taught me that, although unseen forces sway our feelings, love is a choice.

When we love, we choose to love. It is a conscious decision to go with the unseen forces that make up our emotional, intellectual and physical systems. It can also be a conscious decision to go against it. When the situation tells you not to love, but you still do, it’s because you chose.

Love is a choice. And the ultimate manifestation of love as a choice is commitment.

Love is a commitment.

It isn’t just about what you feel at the moment.  It isn’t about the forces that surround you. It isn’t about what the circumstances call for.

You see, you can choose to love, and then the next day, you choose not to. You may have reasons. Your man cheated. Or your wife suddenly got amnesia. Your child betrayed the family.

In these cases, circumstances tell you, the cost of loving outweighs the benefits of loving. That’s when the ultimate choice to love comes in the form of commitment.

You commit. You declared it, and now you stand by it.

Whether you’re badly hurt, or your emotions run dry, when it seems so illogical and counterintuitive to stay, that’s when love manifests itself in its most profound form: a conscious choice.

When all the world pushes for equality, practicality, cynicism, independence, and justice—you see, these are not bad values and philosophies—you choose to love.

Love is a choice.

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That’s What Love Is (Part 2)

It’s the only thing worth life and death.
It’s the first moment and the final breath.
It’s a broken heart keeping a solemn vow
And a lost soul being found.
You pray for faith when it’s hard to believe.
You choose to stay when it’s easy to leave
And when hope is gone you’re the one who keeps holding on.

That’s what love is
When you give until there’s nothing left
And it makes you give the very best.
That’s what love is.
It can make you laugh and make you cry.
It can let you down and lift you up so high
When you find the only reason left to live.
That’s what love is.

It’s the dream you give up for someone else.
It’s being strong when you’re weak yourself.
Though it tears you up you trust again.
Hatred loses and forgiveness wins.
You turn your cheek when you want to fight.
Sell all you have and lay down your life
And when hope is gone you’re the one who keeps holding on.

It’s reaching out and holding on so someone else will know.
Love is in the not letting go.

Download the song here. The artist of the song is tenor David Phelps.

Yet

YET
so far: up to now or a particular time in the past or future (often used with a negative or interrogative)

Yet is pa in Filipino. Violinist and friend Sir Joselle Cayetano told me something today so the word is bugging me. He is one of the many people who are following my love story (granting that there is actually one, hehe). An outspoken and curious person, he managed to ask my friend if I am courting her.

Wa pa man,” she replied. He told me what she said and added, “You better make a move—now.”

I’m not convinced. Well, not of her statement, in fact, I fairly believe that this could have been her exact answer. I assume she knows well of what I am up to. However, I don’t believe making a move—now—will settle this inequilibrium.

Pa or yet carries the implication of an anticipation of a future event. She, most possibly, is waiting for the time when I will come knocking on the doors of her heart to ask her to let me in. Wa pa man.

But does it mean that she wants me to make a move…now? I think not so. I believe she has an idea of my timeline and my principles. I often say this as side comments in our casual conversations about anything under the sun. Pa is, first of all, anticipation, but not necessarily an invitation to speed up things.

Let me put it this way: Let’s assume a boy is courting a girl. You ask him if she already said yes and he says, “Wa pa man“. Of course, that’s anticipation since the boy is eagerly waiting for her answer. However, it most probably wouldn’t mean that the boy wants it now. He wouldn’t pressure the girl to answer prematurely. He would want her to take her time.

Same with my situation.

I didn’t feel the need of making the move. Honestly, I felt the want to do so. But it’s not the way things should work. What about the right time? What about the relationships that surround us? What about my relationship with God? my family? her family? What about her plans and dreams that she wants to fulfill? her parent’s expectations? What about the quest for emotional, and more importantly, spiritual maturity? Impulses sometimes blurs objectivity and a clear vision of life and the future.

I respect her plans and desires as much as I do with mine. Do I like her? Yes, with all my heart. Would I want to court her? You bet. But it doesn’t mean now, just because she said so. It’s not the right time. Love is, first of all, patient (1 Corinthians 13). It hopes all things, believes all things, endures all things. It never fails.

Do not awaken my love, until it so desires.
Song of Solomon 8:4

Not yet.

Is this feeling flourishing?

I just have to keep watch of how I progress. I have been careful of how things are going to develop and push through. I know things will come and must come in its right time, but not earlier. But, in one way or another, things—and feelings—and everything else have to grow.

Inasmuch as I don’t want to see ‘progress’ (yet), I nevertheless saw it in the past few weeks. I never intended to say that I love her or even think of it, but I kind of said it in my prayer and thought, “Woah, did I say that???”. Last week, Ate Anne, Ate Marilyn and I had a chow at Honeycomb and we were talking most of the time about this thing I’m into. I told them, “Karon ra man ko nahimong explicit and vocal about this, right?” (“I’ve been explicit and vocal about this just lately, right?)

I’m actually wondering right now. Actually, I’m seeking answers from God. Is this feeling flourishing as it should? Am I in the right track or am I ahead of God’s plan for at least one step? Are things going to early? Or is it running late of God’s timing?

I need to know.

Reminded of Change

Change and Life.
Change and Life.

My most recent experiences reminded me that nothing is constant in this world (but change, they say). Let me cite a few (including a few plans):

  1. A new theme for my blog. I believe changing how my site looks would keep me and a few others who follow my blog from getting bored. I was actually encouraged when I visited http://www.devcompage.com/ (Ma’am Moni’s DC blog) and noticed its newer look. Soon, I’ll be finishing my refurbishing my blog. I might as well include http://amaranthvsu.wordpress.com/ (Amaranth’s official blog/website) which direly needs it. I will be deleting my Friendster blog because I’m dissatisfied with their blogging service.
  2. My new PC. I’ve done away with the old. Now, I have a faster, sleeker unit to use. Imagine—I’ve been using that for five years! Recently, I was transferring all my files to this new one. The old, which is still usable, will be handed down to my smaller brother.
  3. New entertainment experiences. I had downloaded two Gaither videos (which I really enjoyed watching), and a number of movies, all through torrents. It’s not something I can easily do with the old pc because it’s got a way too smaller disk capacity.
  4. Sadly, a good female friend confessed her interest (for me). Sadly I say, because I have a direction; and I can’t help but see her as a threat to it. But still, I’m keeping my prayers as fervent as always. Change I say, cause I can’t help but see her differently now. Can’t help it.

However, not all change is bad (nor good). Somehow, I see change as something that comes to our lives—sometimes too often and unnoticed, sometimes seldom yet with big impact—that keeps us from being stagnant. They spur us to cope up, be effective, competitive and alert. The world is not as peachy as we think, so something to perk us up is indeed helpful. Change has come (not only to America).

When Is The Right Time To Date?

No, don’t think it that way. Let’s take it like this: the question just popped up in my mind when I turned on the computer. So of course, I sat down, and on to this writing…

For young people like most of us, this question seem to be very interesting. It really rings a bell, and suddenly, your attention is grappled into this one thing. And the catch is, haha, we forget it after that. Continue reading When Is The Right Time To Date?