Break Down The High Places
God has His way of getting back what utterly belongs to Him—whole-hearted devotion. I didn’t know I was building an idol out of an affection. No, affections are not wrong. But I think this one is.
I even managed to convince myself that it was right. I thought talking about it in “Christian” light made it right. Blinded I was, God went down to second place.
I was like the Israelites in Biblical times. At first, Jehovah God was God alone, but then, they turned their faces to idol worship. They set up idols in high places where altars for worshiping God used to stand.
I remember the chorus from The Wilds that I love to sing. It takes on new meaning:
Help me break down the high place once reserved for You;
Help me rebuild my altar and worship You anew;
Help me cast all the thoughts that exalt above Your own;
Help me listen to Your sweet voice so Your will is always known.
Letting Go Was The Answer
I thought making the feeling sound “Christian” was the solution. My plans sounded so neat and well-thought of. Yeah, awesome four- to six-year direction for my life.
Oh, sorry, Jed.
Oh, I tried to minimize hypocrisy. Yeah, I tried to be true. I wasn’t trying to be a Pharisee when I tried to sound “Christian”. I didn’t want to show off.
All I tried to do was to make sense of all the Biblical truths about love and relationships that I’ve learned by head. Actually, I just tried to make the wrong pieces fit.
Not solving the puzzle at hand can be frustrating. God had to let me realize that I am holding on to the wrong pieces. These pieces may include “person”, “timing”, “attitude”, “character” and “community”—I don’t know—but one thing is for sure: I have to let them go.
Please let me share the lyrics of a song I am trying to finish:
Lord, I am confused that I don’t know what’s right from wrong now;
Lord, I am unsure of what this pain will make of me;
But, Lord, You know know my thoughts;
So I take this burdened heart before Your throne;
Mold it as You wish—it’s not my own!
Moving On With Less The Baggage
I wanted a relationship on the way, even if I had to wait for years. I tried to sustain myself for the rough road trip, but I realized it wasn’t worth it. I tried to hold on to assurances that were unfounded, and assumptions that formed quite a large bubble to live in.
But I realized I wasn’t destined to go that distance. I am a pilgrim on this earth. It took my short-sightedness to concentrate only on the next cool chapter of my life, and not see the farther part of my Christian walk. It also made me overlook the now, and not enjoy it.
I guess I’ve cursed my singleness too much. I’ve brought along unnecessary weights. Now I’m giving them up.
Whatever God has in store for me, I know it should be the best. But for now, I’ll keep an open ear for clear direction. I’ll be an instrument myself in carrying out His Master Plan for me.
I’m enjoying the first few steps of a lighter walk.