Rare

Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Quiet. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy. Busy.

The Pangs of Indifference

I was so near. I was standing outside under some trees. I have no one but my INTP sister to confide my cares to. My heart was (and still is) heavy. What am I going through? My sister listens.

Then she, with wavy hair, yellow shirt and denim pedals, came out for a meeting. She met and greeted the people outside. We saw her, but she didn’t see us, for the darkness hid us.

“There she is,” I said. Woah—after a week, I saw her again.

“Why don’t you show yourself up to her, kuya?” my sister asks.

“I can’t. I don’t know. I just can’t.”

She is still a very wondrous sight to behold. My heart melted. But then the rush of emotions squeezed my stomach. My throat tightened, I choked.

“Are you okay?” my sister asked.

“I’m not. Kahilakon ko. I can’t bear the sight. And I’m like this when I feel real bad,” and I choked again, “I’m sorry, I just can’t help it.”

Then Ian came with my motorcycle. I had to go right away or I’ll choke myself to death. I hugged my sister goodbye and scooted off with Ian. He asked if I was okay.

“I had to get outta here. This whole indifference issue is taking its toll on me, even gastronomic side effects!”

Then I choked again, like I was about to throw up, but nothing. What more should I expect from this?

Evasion

I’m getting away, but I hope not for long.

For a prelude, let me say this is one of the dark pages of my life. Read at your own risk.

Paradise ‘Write’ There

A cloudy view of Leyte from Cawit, Pilar as the morning sun rises.

On the other side of the shore, Pilar, Camotes is but an ordinary island obstructing my view of the sunset before dusk. I somehow resent why the great orange ball at times do not dip itself directly to the sea. Perhaps I demand a written explanation.

If I become blind

Only the dim light from the porch lit my room. I lied down and plugged in my big headphones. I listened to ‘Long Look‘ once again. I closed my eyes and tried to feel the song. I opened my eyes—complete darkness. Am I blind?

How will I face the world with blindness? I have had a keen eye. I love sights, lights and art! I am a photographer, a videographer, an artist. If my sight fails, what shall I do?

I could imagine myself being led to the piano at church. Yes, I still could play that majestic instrument. Perhaps I could still do a few fast arpeggios (running keys). I still could pen songs or arrange them (with some help). Perhaps I could still be a good pianist.

However, I could no longer continue schooling. I won’t be able to drive the motorcycle. I will no longer write (at least, on my own). No longer will I see my friends, my classmates, my family… and her!

That pierced me. No, this can’t be!

What if she comes to visit me in my blindness? Her beauty, her relaxing smile… if I could see them once more! Will she receive me like this? I can no longer bring her to breathtaking places or romantic dates. I can not make a living to bring up a family. I’ll be useless. Inutile.

She comes. I hear her voice and I recognize her perfume. I reach for her hands, and gripped them tightly. Trembling, I cry, “I’m sorry… I never made the most of the light.”

It breaks her heart. She cries too. No! This can’t be, I moan in great desperation.

The song is half-way through. “Can we witness every sunset?” the song asks. Why—we should! I fumbled for my cellphone and tried to press a key. Come on, light up!

It lit. I mean it lit up in front of my eyes. Pesky brown-out!

Jed Plays “Ikaw” (Piano Instrumental, Key of Eb)

Months earlier I have posted a piano instrumental of the song “Ikaw”. The song is, for me, something very wonderful. I can’t get enough of it. Since I learned how to play and sing it (hmmm…summer of 2009?), the song never fails to show up in my mind from time to time. It’s a beautiful expression of passionate love.

The instrumental I posted earlier was played in the Key of C (perfect for baritone singers). I recorded it on October 2009. What everybody doesn’t know is that I recorded it in another key the same day.

The instrumental in the E-flat (Eb) key is three semitones higher than that of the C-Key. This key is perfect for tenors. In fact, this is the key used in Martin Nievera’s version of the song, which was used as a cover in the recently concluded television series Dahil May Isang Ikaw. I also sing in this key.

If this song doesn’t move you, well, I don’t know what you’ve got. But if it does, and everytime… And if the word “ikaw” paints a picture of someone dear to you in the air, thank the one who penned the song.

Ang lahat ng aking galaw, ang sanhi ay ikaw.

And by the way, I’m dedicating this (once again) to the ISTJ I adore. Download

To Pen (A Poem)

Pen, are you still there?
Your words no longer resound
In the good old places where
Your music used to abound.

Pen, have you lost your voice?
Silence not yourself this day
When catchy faces and useless books
Take your followers away.

Pen, can you not recall
What limitless power you have in hand?
You are mightier than the sword,
Stronger than the strongest man.

Pen, settle not yourself
In today’s trifles and tales
That tomorrow will find
Nothing much to avail.

Pen, never lose heart,
Write with power and purity.
Dip yourself in the ink
Of boundless ingenuity.

Pen, I love you.
Please do not let things be.
Rekindle the voice within
And bring back the glory.

Christmas or Xmas?

Through the years, I hear people complaining about others spelling “Christmas” as “Xmas”. The most important word “Christ” is left out and replaced with “X”. What now? Which should we use?

Many Christians demand that “Christmas” shouldn’t be spelled with an “X”. They argue that those who abbreviate it to “Xmas” do not really respect or commemorate Christ’s birth because they deliberately leave him out. Somehow, they’re right, but do they really have to sound so preachy? I did a little research because X has to mean something.

Chi Rho. An ancient symbol of Christianity, a monogram formed by overlapping "Chi" and "Rho", the first two letters of Christ.

Let’s assume that “X” stands for Christ, but how? Christ, in Greek, is ” Χριστός” or something like “Christus”. The first two letters, Chi and Rho, are often used in ancient times as a symbol of Christianity by overlapping them to form a monogram. Legend says that Roman emperor Constantine saw this symbol in a dream and has been told, “ἐν τούτῳ νίκα”, en toutōi nika, meaning “with this sign you shall conquer”.

The point is, X or Chi Rho arbitrarily stands for Christ. So what do we do? Are we going to use it?

To “Christmas activists”, here’s for you, tone down. Yes, you may have a point, but we are not to focus on trivial things as abbreviations and etymologies that we forget the real Reason for the Season—Jesus Christ. Let’s celebrate anyway, since it’s the time that we should celebrate the coming of our Savior to earth.

To everyone else who uses “Xmas”, why don’t you spell it out anyway? It wouldn’t hurt to type in a few more characters, especially those who send text messages or SMS. I tell you, it wouldn’t hurt. Typing in “Christmas” with no fuss than “Xmas” with a lot of arguing is better, right?

Anyway it’s up to you. If you want to use “Xmas” but it troubles your conscience, don’t do it. Early Christians might have spelled ‘Christmas’ a whole lot differently, anyway. But to be safe, just be safe. Spell it out. Then you can focus on the more important things during the Holidays. Merry Christmas, everyone.

“Whatsoever is not of faith is sin.”
Romans 14:23b, KJV

Long Look by Jed Cortes

Background
I think it’s time that I publish this original composition I entitled “Long Look”. The idea of composing a song with that title came to me on August 2008, during the VSU Anniversary. As the festivities went on at the Oval, I sat on a bamboo pole lying on the lawn. It was afternoon, around the time she and her teammates would have their volleyball practice. I was thinking of going to the next block and watch her play.

My personality type is INTP. When I think, I withdraw. This is evident when I like to observe her intently. Before I come and greet the team, I first situate myself at the slide beside the volleyball court and enjoy the sight from afar. Hence, the title “Long Look”.

Back at the oval, I started to hum a tune out of the blue. That tune is now the melody of the chorus. I then grabbed a paper and pen to write what is now the words of the chorus.

The next jolt of inspiration came about two months later. She was taking her final examination in Physics at the Science Lecture Hall. I was outside, preparing for our final examination as well. With a Long Look and another piece of paper, the two stanzas were written. The song is complete.

Here are the lyrics of the song. Enjoy. (Click the “play” icon above to listen to me singing the song. You can download the MP3 file here.)

Long Look
by Jed Asaph Cortes

I
As I watch here from a distance, I see a radiant smile
A wondrous sight that nothing else could e’er compare
With eyes of dazzling beauty and a countenance so fair
If it bids me come, what joy is there for us to share?
But is there more than what I see today?
Shall I go ahead or shall I move away?

Cho
I just take a long look, make a distant stare
Watchin’ all the happines, wishin’ I could be there
I just take a long look, more than I could bear
Coz all the time that I was here, wond’rin’ if I could be near
You’ve been there and waitin’.. for more than this one look

II
Can I be near and not bother, if it’s fine forever stay?
For a lifetime’s never too long if I am with you
Can we witness ev’ry sunset, can I gaze into your eyes?
Can I warm your hand, o, let it intertwine with mine!
For all these dreams will never become true,
If a far-off gaze is all I have for you!

(cho)

Why Do I Write About Her?

This is just a repost from my journal:

Tuesday, 08 Dec 2009
09:30 PM

You know, I sometimes feel guilty that I only write about (her) most of the time. Why? I think a lot. I talk a lot. I write a lot. But why do I record just my experiences with and thoughts about her in this journal?

Is it a matter of being used to? I’m an unconventional person. My experiences and interests differ from time to time.

I think I just want to be remembered as a passionate person. Not an intelligent, talented or witty person. Nor a relentless, stubborn guy. But… someone who loves and enjoys the gift of life and relationships.

And I like to remember my passions too. Sometimes, an occasional depression and lack of direction or joy come my way. It helps when I flip back through the pages. Here, written by my own hands are evidences of how a man can (desperately and) helplessly think of a beloved one. He can not only think. He can feel. He can harbor intense emotions. He can do good things. He can do crazy things. He can love. He can relish simple joys. He can cherish irresistible passions.

That’s why I write. (She)’s my passion.

Signed by me.